Tis the season
Posting letters for Santa … Photo by Sandra Butel
I am Sandra Butel and this is my beautywalk.
beautywalk is my search for truth and beauty wherever my slightly uneven legs may take me. May my wanderings and wonderings bring more peace to a world that is full of chaos.
Tis the season
It is mid-December and already I am feeling swept up in the time of year. The cheery tones of Christmas carols follow me from one end of the street to the other as I take my daily walk up and down Wellington Street on my way to and from my beloved yoga studio, Liv Yoga. The lights that outline the window frames and metal stairways of the apartments across the street blink and shine such hope into the early evening darkness that takes over the sky at the unbelievably early hour of 4:11 pm. There is a crispness to the air and the crunch of my feet on the snow brings with it so many memories of Christmases long past.
Traditions
As the world transforms around me into a winter wonderland, I have been thinking a lot about holiday traditions and how they get passed down from generation to generation. A sense of the bitter and the sweet comes over me as I gaze upon the antique multi-coloured balls and birds and angels that Francis, Nico and I hung with such care upon our wild grown Christmas tree that is the closest we could find to the Marchildon tradition of fresh cut Christmas trees searched out in the forest near the family farm. Inspired by a friend’s Facebook post and a super deal on a box of cards at the local Salvation Army, I jump into the writing of Christmas cards for the first time in probably 40 years, taking the time to find the words to express some of the love and gratitude that I feel welling up in my heart these days.
Santa Claws ….. Photo by Sandra Butel
The spirit of the season
Francis has gotten in on the spirit of the season with me, making extra effort to find concerts and happenings that ooze holiday cheer for us to enjoy together since our return from Mexico a few weeks ago. He even goes so far as to add on the extra weight of a freshly cut Christmas tree to his already heavily laden back, his hockey gear and sticks having just been used for some drop in hockey fun. We attend a rather soporific concert at La Maison Symphonique that features excerpts from Handel’s Messiah and Bach’s grand Christmas Oratorio as well as the delightful Noel Nouvelet presented by Belle Grand Fille and her superb musicians and invited guests at the charming Quai des Brumes on the Plateau Montreal. We sip eggnog with some Jamaican rum and a sprinkle of cinnamon as well as listen to the voices of the Imani Gospel Choir that warms our hearts and clapping hands as we sing along in harmony in front of L’église Notre Dame des Sept Douleurs. We take selfies in front of the much loved “Pole Well” photo backdrop as we dream about days past and letters to Santa that always seemed to result in our wildest childish dreams coming true in the electrified magic that only Christmas morning can bring.
Time for a rethink
It wasn’t until I was well into my forties that it occurred to me, due to a friend’s nonchalant and self-determination focused insistence, that I could make holiday traditions all of my own. I had gotten caught up in making sure to honour whatever it was my parents or my in-laws had decided was an appropriate part of the celebrations of the holiday season and had taken very little time to figure out what all the hoopla of Christmas time meant for me. I am still not entirely sure what it is all about. While I am very spiritual and put much value on living my life with intention and mindful presence, I am not religious. Celebrating Christ’s birthday might have made sense to me when I was a kid and still under the influence of my parent’s religious beliefs, but now that I have determined that I do not believe in the existence of Jesus Christ or the God that has been part of the Catholic religion in which I was raised, I have had to have a deep rethink on what it is that I am celebrating during the holiday season.
The gifts
There is the whole consumer part of this season that used to draw me in. The idea of gifts carefully selected and wrapped up all nice and pretty under the tree held my attention for a while. I filled up with wants and wish lists and hoped that someone would see me so clearly that the perfect gift would find its way under my tree. I ended up feeling disappointed more often than not; my self doubt in the givers' love for me stuck with me long after the shiny wrapping paper and ribbons had made their way into the bigger than usual Christmas recycling pile.
I have come to understand that I am not going to find a deep acceptance of myself inside those boxes (or indeed in what others have to feel or say about me) and that my job is to learn to be with and accept the ever changing ‘who’ of who I am and have been and will be. There is no gift that is going to change how I see myself except, as in the words of Marimar, the owner and lead teacher of Cuatro Viento’s yoga studio in Todos Santos where I had the privilege of practicing for awhile, the gift that only I can give to myself,
“the ease and grace of time and space.”
Ease and grace … Photo by Sandra Butel
Grace
The months we spent getting rid of 90% of our belongings has left me with the clarity that it is not more stuff that is going to make me or anyone else happy. The space that is created by getting rid of things and beliefs and old ways of seeing myself and the people around me has been a much bigger gift to me (and everyone else for that matter) than any keepsake or item that I can buy online or in a store. I find that I intuitively understand the meaning of the grace part of the statement above but when I do a google search to find a way to explain this understanding to Francis I find that this word too has been imbued with a link to the idea of God that just doesn’t resonate with me. I sigh a bit and decide that I am going to just make my own meaning of it, that kind of grace that we can all offer to ourselves and one another, making it larger than it would be if we left this life changing offering all up to one God to fulfill for each one of us in turn. I hold no judgment for those who hold a belief in the God of which I speak, it is just not the way I have chosen to see my life and my purpose while I am here on earth.
The idea of grace brings with it for me a sense of openness, patience and generosity towards myself and everyone else, not based on merit or as payment for something given, but just because we are capable of offering it to one another. With the increased amount of time that I have in my life, away from more than full time work and my misguided efforts to have absolutely everyone like me, I have more ability to get to this place of ease, offering up my time, the empathy and forgiveness of grace along with the welcoming space of my presence as my gift to myself and to the world around me.
Neighbourhood Santa and friends … Photo by Sandra Butel
Carry it forward
It is with that energy that I delve into the making of new Christmas traditions. I look back on the moments that held such love and care for me in days gone by; family and friends gathered together for fun and good eats and songs filled with hope for the increased hours of light to come. In the images that form inside my mind and the resultant sensations that soon fill my body, I see just what I want to carry forward into my life today. The joy that comes when I take the time to think of what might bring delight to someone I love; a collection of words, an item of clothing, an activity that we can take part in together, a delicious food based treat, a warm winter coat so they no longer have to feel so cold. In short, whatever it is that will warm their hearts and minds and bodies as I do what I can to let them know how much I love and appreciate them on these last and darkest days of the year, that is, once again, slipping quietly but steadily away from us.
I make some plans for the days ahead; a treat of a sound bath with a much loved teacher and friend, some gatherings for food and cheer and games and puzzles and time together in connected presence, a few gifts exchanged with words of love and appreciation and moments spent with a soft smile as we pinch the edges of our Christmastime dumplings together and wait for the beef tenderloin to be done enough to eat, warm and salty as it fills us up just right. New traditions made on the love that the old ones brought to life.
This is Sandra Butel and this is my beautywalk. What’s yours?
Wishing you and yours all the best for the end of 2025 and for the new year to come.
What traditions are you carrying forward into your holiday season?
What does this time of year mean to you?
What gift can you give to yourself that will make the biggest difference?
There’s no getting around it - Christmas is here Photo by Sandra Butel
Resources for Further Study and Personal Growth
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