Rest easy
The beauty of what is … Photo by Sandra Butel
I am Sandra Butel and this is my beautywalk.
beautywalk is the pathway I take towards deeply knowing myself and others. It requires patience and kindness and time for reflection. Sometimes it means sitting very still and seeing what happens next.
How the raindrops rest
I want to capture the dreamy feeling of this quiet green filled day at my inlaw’s cabin. I focus my attention on the constant slow movement of the natural world around me, noticing how the raindrops rest on the leaves of varying shapes and sizes. Sometimes they are rendered in green from the surface of the leaf beneath them, sometimes they manifest like drops of glittery silver paint dropped out of the squirrel fur brush of a master painter. I notice three translucent drops hanging on with apparent ease to the underside of a tightly held Peony blossom.
I rest my eyes upon the smooth summer tinted light brown of my bare legs, wanting to see how the rain drops will transform as they fall upon my welcoming skin. It occurs to me at this moment that I am as much a part of nature as the trees and grass and mushrooms and yellow and purple and red wildflowers who let the life-giving water of the day’s rain soak into their surfaces without question.
We are not separate as we have been taught to think.
We are not superior, not worse, nor are we above it all observing it all happen without joining in. We are an integral part of the magic of the living, breathing, ever changing nature of the world that plays out both inside and outside of the human bodies and brains and hearts we are in.
No need for action
I wonder to myself if the depth of the fatigue I have been feeling these last few days is itself a gateway into a space of rest that lies waiting for me, and for all of us, while we busy ourselves with this and that and whatever we think comes next.
Is this my body’s way of telling me to slow down even more?
What if there is no need for action?
What if settling into this place of receptive welcome for whatever will arise is what I have been put on this earth to get right?
How the raindrops rest Photo by Sandra Butel
Being
This sense of receptivity has been a theme for me these past few days. I have been experimenting with sitting in a place of readiness and curiosity and welcoming what comes without having to push myself into the non stop pursuit of perpetual action. In my weekly meeting with two friends as part of our ongoing Sacred Engagement practice, the starting meditation by Zen Master Henry Shukman as part of his Original Love series entitled Being is all about resting in the place of not doing. I am struck not only by the lovely lilt of his British accent but also by his offer to us to drop everything and just be who we are for a while.
“Congratulate yourself for coming into stillness, for the time you have dedicated to the bare fact of existing. This body, mind, heart … This awareness … having this experience. What a gift.”
Henry Shukman
Later on in the meditation these words resonate with me as well as I focus on the moment to moment experience of being in my body.
“This body in stillness; in rest and this experience; this awareness - just as it is and not doing anything.”
Henry Shukman
It is such a relief for me to hear this and to let go of striving as I come into a state of rest and ease in my mind and body. I focus on my breath and the sensations in my arms and legs and chest and let myself relax into what the poet John Keats called our negative capability; the capacity in us for not doing but receiving. I am already feeling less tired and I notice that my low mood is lifting.
Rest is resistance
This brings to mind the work of The Nap Ministry’s Tricia Hersey and her vision of rest as resistance and reparation. I remember the first time I came across their idea of ‘lying down for a spell’ as a form of personal and collective revolution. I could not imagine back in 2016 when the movement was founded how pulling myself out of the rat race and focusing on giving myself the care that was so needed, could be a form of powerful protest against the never ending grind culture that we were (and are still) living in.
There is another way. Focus on the escape. Focus on the transformation. We can just be. We are beautiful. We are enough. We are escape artists. We Will Rest!
The Nap Ministry
I can understand now so clearly why my therapist kept telling me that I didn’t know how to do nothing. I can also see how much the skill of shutting it all down would have been so useful to me in my overprogrammed schedule. I am ready to embrace it now and to see how much deeper I can go into my connection with myself and others by doing less.
Forest walking ... Photo by Sandra Butel
A focus on deep listening
Here I am now, in a very different place and time in my life, experimenting with resting in place, letting go of the need to push into forward motion, beginning to seriously question the constant state of go, go, go that fills up so many of our hours and days and years. I tiptoe quietly into a deeper state of rest, believing as I do that my active listening to the story of a fellow human appearing in 2D on the screen in front of me will be richer and more complete if I can manage to resist the urge to jump into the action.
Before we begin our first round of listener, speaker and observer roles, I state out loud that my intention is to practice a deep form of welcoming; an offering of the type of open receptivity that Henry was talking about in our earlier meditation. Being truly present as the listener, without a push or nudge towards offering any specific end or solution to the speaker. I add that in my former life I was used to solving problems; to rolling up my sleeves and coming up with cleverly formulated directions. This time I want to simply be present and to see what will happen if I focus on deep listening for understanding, rather than listening to respond.
I won’t go into any details of the speaker’s story as it is not mine to tell, but I will say that I feel a still presence of empathy and compassion swell up inside of me for this fellow human. Here she is being vulnerable enough to send her wishes for peace and ease down into the clear waters of a wishing well just hoping for relief. I can see her humanity so clearly - both the suffering and the ability to find her way to her own solution. I can also see that my listening is what is most needed.
Whispers in the breeze … Photo by Sandra Butel
Pause for gratitude
A butterfly appears through the glass of the wood framed window to my left. I pause once again to feel grateful for this place where I find myself. There are the literal 4 walls and roof and windows and floors and furniture of the generously offered retreat space that make up my inlaw’s chalet. There is the steady love and care and stewardship that they have invested into this space for the past 40+ years which can be felt in every inch of the indoor and outdoor terrain that makes all the moments that we have been able to spend here such a gift to both of us.
Then there is the gratitude for the seemingly random circumstances that have had to come together for me to have the time and space and financial resources to be able to spend my days exactly the way I most wish. There is the abiding appreciation that I feel for a partner who jumps in with both feet and a loving heart into so many of the excursions I dream up. His ability to be ready, willing and able to join me and to carry his part of the flurry of preparations that so often lead to calm has made the slow down much more possible.
There is even a sense of gladness at the inconvenience and noise and dust of the repairing of the front brick work on our Montreal apartment. If it was not for the memory of last year’s unpleasantness of the neighbour’s same endeavour, we would not have pushed to find an alternative place to stay and would not have asked for permission for some relaxed time out of town.
Sit back and listen
So here I am, pen in hand, journal propped at an angle, my short sleeved wine coloured t-shirt emblazoned with “NOBODY ASKED YOU,” in capital letters on its front, the tickling sensation of the cool air rustling up my longer than normal leg hairs, unshaven and delighted to be uncovered and in the summer heat. I wonder for a moment if this is the message I am meant to share, not as a judgment or admonition but as permission to find a new way to show I care.
Perhaps I am not meant only to be providing a set of opinions or instructions for other humans on their way. Perhaps my t-shirt has got it right and my purpose is much softer and requires less forward motion and more figuring out just how to stay. Perhaps my job at this moment is to sit back and listen to what the world has to tell me and to reserve my comments for when the time is right.
To be here, now, in this place and time and moment, open and ready and accepting of whatever it is that may come.
This is Sandra Butel and this is my beautywalk. What’s yours?
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What happens in your body when you hear the word rest?
Is there a situation in your life in which moving into the stillness of non action might be helpful?
What steps can you take today to ensure that you get more of the rest and care you need?
No filter, no rush, just me … Photo Sandra Butel
Resources for Further Study and Personal Growth
If this article got you intrigued about Henry Shukman and his guided meditations you can find him on either his own app called The Way or on the Waking Up app as part of their larger offerings. I just signed up for the 7 free days to check out Waking Up so can’t really tell you yet if I recommend it. I do, however, really like Henry’s guided meditations and recommend you give him a listen if you can.
I took a break for a few weeks to recover but am back now for a limited number of coaching sessions per week. Hit me up if you want to delve into your own search for the work/life/rest balance that is best for you. For a free consultation with me all you have to do is book yourself into my calendar.
I have my Professional Coach Certification (PCC) from the International Coaching Federation and over 500 hours of experience working with clients who all tell me that their time with me has been an invaluable part of making the changes that they most needed to make..
If you are interested in trying out petsitting yourself you can use this link to get 25% of your membership.
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