Home, sweet home
Everything is always working out for me Photo by Sandra Butel
I am Sandra Butel and this is my beautywalk.
beautywalk is the pathway I take towards deeply knowing myself and others. It requires patience and kindness and time for reflection. Sometimes it is difficult, filled with potholes and detours and rough patches. Sometimes it is clear and smooth and open and beauty abounds with every step.
Spring planting
I am sitting on my front balcony with my notebook and pen. The sun is dappling down on my collection of potted plants. The tomatoes have just made their flowers and I am heartened to watch their gradual increase to at least 4 times the size they were when I had Francis plant them (under my supervisory and grateful eyes) a week after my hip replacement surgery. Interspersed in between are two somewhat spindly basil plants that somehow survived their overwintering gathered as they were with the surprisingly hot pink flower filled Geranium plant near the street side window. Perhaps these plants inspired one another, their silent encouragement sent out through the walls of the terra cotta and/or plastic pots that separated them. New studies are showing that plants not only communicate with one another but that they can direct their tender roots towards the nutrients they are lacking, and take an active role in their own survival and thriving.
Pretty “thoughts” in pots
I have added a collection of flowers to my mini community garden; purple and yellow striped pansies in the front and a dramatically large blossomed deep purple one in the back, the French version of their names that translates in English to “thoughts”, tickling my fancy almost as much as the bursts of colour that they add. There are two rectangular and two round pots full of dark and rich organic soil that I have sprinkled with the ‘bee happy’ wildflowers that were part of the birthday treats that my honey lovingly offered to me last weekend. What delight it brings me to sit with them each day, my eyes scanning for new growth and for whatever they may need from me. My heart sings joyously as the first tiny green tendrils spring out of the ground in which I had tossed (without expectation) a small handful of nondescript seeds.
Getting to know my neighbours Photo by Sandra Butel
Putting down roots
It is no accident that my balcony garden has come into being. My desire to put down roots is what drove me to put the wheels in motion for Francis and I to move across the country; to see what new growth a change of location could bring. My 2024 petsitting gigs involved a lot of time spent walking (with or without pets) around various Montreal neighbourhoods, observing the steady cycle of flowering plants that started with tulips, bleeding hearts and daffodils, moved on to the lilacs and Irises and then from there onto the peonies and roses. I started to feel an itch for my own little piece of ground here where I could nurture seeds planted with love. Living out of a suitcase, while it had brought with it such a lot of learning, healing and adventure, just couldn’t give me the connection and grounding that I found myself pining for.
Putting the pieces together
One year later and I find myself in a place of appreciation for how much growth and change we both have seen. We have gone from a place of unsteady striving to make this new place our home to a real felt sense of being exactly where we need to be. As I reflect on the beautifully completed puzzle that we have built together out of the individual pieces that we’ve gathered together one by one, I can’t help but want to put down in words what I have learnt. Books and meditations and conversations with beautiful people have led me to make a few conclusions about how I have rebuilt my blown up life and once again come to feel like I belong. Guided by the “Love Where You Live” experiment by journalist Melody Warnick in her book “This is Where you Belong: Finding Home Wherever You Are,” and numerous hours spent reflecting with others or on my own, I have come to a few insights about home.
Top 10 beautywalk tips
How to feel at home anywhere
1. Make a conscious choice.
It is up to me to decide to commit to the actions that will cultivate the feelings of being at home wherever I may be. When I decide to love where I live my vision shifts and I can see the magic in the everyday moments that this place has got to offer.
2. Take action.
The process of place attachment involves clear intention and action and won’t happen if I just sit around and wait for someone else to do the work for me. It’s up to me to take the steps I need to make a place feel like home. This involves pushing through awkwardness and fears and deciding to do the work to step outside of my comfort zones.
3. Give it time.
I read somewhere that we need at least a year before we can know if a place is really where we want to be. I can attest to my own sense of belonging having increased exponentially from the day more than 365 days ago when we first pulled up to our new apartment with our U-haul filled with our drastically pared down belongings.
4. Slow down.
Walking (or biking) is a much more efficient (and pleasant) way to get to know my new city. The slow pace allows for more moments of discovery and lets my brain develop clearer mental maps that help me to get to know the place where I live. Not to mention the decrease in work and cost and stress and environmental impact of owning and driving a car in a busy city. I am very grateful that Francis and I made the decision to not own a car in Montreal.
5. Reach out.
Connecting with others is essential. For me it has been a very conscious process and I try to send time each day connecting with people in my neighbourhood. This ranges from the loose tie interactions of smiling and saying “Bonjour,” to people as we pass one another as we go about our business to the deeply enriching conversations that have come with my regular walk and talk sessions with a friend who lives just down the street. My decision to try out the meditation group au Centre des Femmes de Verdun and to add it to my calendar on a recurring basis has brought with it a deep sense of being part of something larger than myself.
GO HABS!!!!! ... Photo by Sandra Butel
Top 10 beautywalk tips cont
How to feel at home anywhere
6. Buy and eat local.
Buying and eating local makes me feel more connected to where I live. I have always preferred shopping in bricks and mortar shops as opposed to giving in to the convenience and anonymity of online clicking. It is only recently that I have started to really delve into the positive impacts of this preference, both in terms of the benefits of investing my money in my own community but also for the joy of human interactions. Walking in through the steamed up front door of my favourite pizza place (Welldun) on Wellington Street gives me such a boost of energy that goes far beyond the taste explosion in my belly of the most delicious slices I have ever tasted. There is a sense of being a regular and even if the workers and I don’t know one another’s names, the camaraderie from me to them and back again fills my soul.
7. Join in.
Cultivating a sense of pride in what my city (or town) has to offer is a great way to feel connected. What a thrill (and surprise) it has been for me to get pulled into the buzz of not one but two professional hockey teams. Joining my fellow Montrealers in cheering on our beloved Habs has led me to nights spent crowded into the Bell Centre or cozying up in a local bar or even just on our own in our living room where the cheering of our neighbours can reach us through the open windows. My heart nearly burst with pride at the magic of a little girl's dream come true as I accepted free tickets from a friend to see La Victoire de Montreal play to a sold out and very enthusiastic crowd for a rare treat at the Bell Center. The pride and love that reverberated from wall to wall made me realize, as the tears fell down my cheeks, just how far some things have come and how glad I was to be a part of it. I was even more moved when I attended their victory celebration at Verdun Borough Hall and at how normal it seemed to the pre-teen girls who clamoured for autographs from these well loved champions to have a female professional hockey team in their city.
8. Be a tourist in your own town.
Francis and I have been lucky enough to play tour guides to friends visiting us from other places. What a pleasure it has been to share our new city, taking our visitors to our favourite restaurants, markets, parks, or just having them join us for a walk along the mighty St. Lawrence, a mere two blocks from our new home. Pulling together individually curated plans for the perfect outings has not only given us a sense of accomplishment and pride in all that this place has to offer, it has also allowed us to realize just how well we are getting to know the various parts of our new home.
9. Go outside.
During my surgery recovery I have been spending a lot of time outside admiring nature and watching my neighbours go about their business. I have been pleasantly surprised by how much well being and connection to the world and people around me that this practice has offered me. Not only have I been awed by the growth and changes of my neighbours’ gardens, I have found that my love for my fellow humans has increased with each hour I spend on my front balcony facing Egan Street. I marvel at how each of us is at the same time so unique (in style, in countenance, in physical characteristics) and so much the same (in our needs, wants, delights and struggles). There is so much wonder and magic on offer right in front of me and I smile as I watch it all quietly from my perch on the wooden chair that I scavenged from the street.
Future hockey players … Photo by Sandra Butel
10. Get to know your neighbours.
As I put the finishing touches on this blog my next door neighbour arrives home, hands full of the biggest basil plant I have ever seen. In response to my exclamations she proudly reports that she bought it at Canadian Tire for a mere $12. She reaches up her right hand to show me a handful of delicate sprigs of a flower that she tells me her sister has gifted her. As I shake my head that I am not familiar with this French name she tells me, she makes her way down her steps and up mine to share one of the fragrant stalks with me. Oh yes, I nod, this is Lily of the Valley, with its green stalk sporting a dozen or so tiny white bell shaped flowers. We sniff them together, both of us reminiscing, as we pause to share a few small details of our lives, including the names that we’ve been given. We are no longer strangers. We are now Anique and Sandra, fellow Verduners who are lovers of Geraniums and of the scent of Lily of the Valley and of growing and eating fresh basil for our salads.
Beginning again
As I make my way back inside the house, bearing a tiny stalk of this sweet scented flower that I have since learned symbolizes hope, new beginnings and the return of happiness after hard seasons, I think that home is not just a place, it is a state of being.
I remind myself with a smile that it is my power to cultivate its growth with my intentional love and attention and I vow to myself to keep doing whatever I can to celebrate and discover this place I now call home.
This is Sandra Butel and this is my beautywalk. What’s yours?
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What do you love most about your current home?
What pieces of the puzzle of your sense of belonging are missing?
What steps can you take today to cultivate a stronger sense of being home wherever you now live?
Cheers to balcony hangs … Photo Sandra Butel
Resources for Further Study and Personal Growth
If this article got you intrigued about Melody Warnick’s book I suggest that you take a leisurely walk to your local bookstore or library to pick up a copy.
I took a break for a few weeks to recover but am back now for a limited number of coaching sessions per week. Hit me up if you want to delve into your own search to feel at home in your own town (and mind and body). For a free consultation with me all you have to do is book yourself into my calendar.
I have my Professional Coach Certification (PCC) from the International Coaching Federation and over 500 hours of experience working with clients who all tell me that their time with me has been an invaluable part of making the changes that they most needed to make..
If you are interested in trying out petsitting yourself you can use this link to get 25% of your membership.
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