The future is coming towards us

Sandra Butel beautywalk moving to Montreal change self love future hope grief Rick Rubin Richard Rohr Brene Brown Landslide Love — *Transplants ...* Photo by Sandra Butel

I am Sandra Butel and this is my beautywalk.

beautywalk is all about my intention to seek out beauty wherever I may go. Beauty in the sounds of tires on asphalt, beauty in the clear blue sky; beauty in the windshield wipers removing the drops of rain as they fall from the sky, beauty in the silent harmony of voices paused in their songs; beauty in finding connection with other humans.

Reflecting

As I sit down in a local cafe just down the street from my new yoga studio, Liv Yoga, on what in 2022 was voted by TimeOut Montreal as “the coolest street in the world,” I find myself reflecting on what (and where) the last few weeks have brought me. The sky is cloudless and blue, the almost end of May sun is shining bright and the bistro table sets of lime yellow and orange and teal blue wait patiently for the next round of terrasse appreciating customers. I sit perched in the window, a hearty Diefenbacca standing tall, strong and free with its leaves unfurling towards the warmth of the day in the space in front of me.

The last five months have been spent engaged in a process of letting go; of 30 years of accumulated things, of beliefs about what is possible, of fear and pain and of the comfort and discomfort of familiar people and places. The daily scheduled “House stuff,” appointments in my and my partner Francis’s joint calendar have gone from 2 hours a day to taking up most of the hours that are on offer. The last bit of hourglass sand makes its way at full speed from the top to the bottom as the hours run out for our departure date from our almost forever home in Regina, Saskatchewan. The last days fly by in a flurry of activity; last minute planning, packing up the U-haul, cleaning in every nook and cranny from basement, to main floor to upstairs, and time spent with dear friends in fun filled group gatherings or in quieter one on one sessions. Our focus is on getting to the last uncrossed items on our “Moving to Montreal” spreadsheet and leaving our Regina home in an even better state than when we moved in so many years ago.

This reminds me of when I was pregnant and all of my focus was put on planning for the ideal labour and birth experience. I gave little thought to what to do with the baby once he found his way out from in, having gotten used to his presence with kicks and hiccups and stretched out skin. Francis for his part was not quite sure there was even a baby inside my changing body sight unseen and he had little interest in singing to my belly when I offered up the opportunity to connect with his soon to be born son.

Moving away

So here we are, high up above the ground, Francis in the driver’s seat and me playing passenger, both unused to maneuvering such a large vehicle between yellow and white, having to lean forward to see what is trailing behind as the wide angle mirrors end up being maladjusted. Our focus is on the road in front of us, having left a whole lot of dusty stuff behind us and there are many kilometers ahead before we will find what the future has in store for us.

Francis leans his head to the side, turning his eyes just slightly towards me before saying, “Driving across the country makes it real. Instead of flying there and having someone else bring our stuff, this kilometre by kilometre moving away from one life and closer to the next, makes it all more real.” Funny juxtaposition of messages from the universe as at this moment we pass a road sign that states, “Indian Head, a progressive prairie town.” We progress forward curving and turning and keeping the vehicle balanced between the lines, on our way towards whatever the future has to bring.

After many miles of silence, each of us caught up in our reminiscing, we get on the topic of our goodbye party, starting with agreement that it was a fun time and the absolutely right way to spend our last night in Regina. Francis waxes poetic with, “Our party was like a funeral, with friends gathered with love in our hearts around the body; the packed U-haul, the echoey empty house, a moment to honour the deceased and to start the process of figuring out how to continue on without them”.

Landslide

A quick glance at my email and a request for the version of the song “Landslide,” that I had shared a few months back with my writing group. A reposted link from one of my fellow writers to the version by Baby Rose that had made the tears flow down my chin in one of my last yoga classes at Niche; which post RFF trauma had become my second home. The reimagined song rings out into the 15 foot U-haul cab as a fitting anthem to the reason we are eastward bound. The lyrics “Can the child within my heart rise above,” or “Til the landslide brought me down,” bring me pause as a glance out the window to my right reveals a gathering of giant pure white windmills harnessing the air with their arms open wide and spinning.

'Til the landslide brought me down
Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life? Oh
Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I'm getting older too

Stevie Nicks

Child’s heart rises above

A picture of me from Grade 4 with my bowl cut and my red coat that brought the taunts of “Gravy Lady,” after a particularly scented lunch break at my small town home, has somehow found its way into the moving truck with us and is lying propped up in the cup holders that sit in the expanse of space between us. This is the child whose heart has proven it can rise above, flying high over all the pains and losses and unfairness that have come before; moving now full of hope and self-love towards that which has not yet come to pass.

Quotes from the bible call out their power to us as we press our foot upon the gas pedal, side by side with the Go Jets Go signs that increase in volume as we get closer to our overnight stay in Winnipeg, a sign announcing, “Winnipeg: Made from what’s real.” There are trees to the left and the right of us that call out their spring growth with that special sort of green and fruity blossoms, their appearance synchronous with the audiobook we are listening to of Rick Rubin who states in his soothing melodic voice how “the fruit is the creative product of the tree”. More road signs sing out, “Canada’s heart is calling,” or less enticingly, “Fatigue Kills: Take a Break”, as we imagine how many deaths made such a sign a necessary precaution.

Game changer

By day 3 on the road we are tired and a bit grumpy from nights spent in closer than normal spaces, my supersonic earplugs having gotten mixed up in one of the 3 dozen boxes that have been piled so carefully in the back, snoring partner making a good night's sleep less likely. It occurs to me at this moment in time that we are heading east towards the sun, as the first few days of cloudy heavy skies make way to light from darkness. Today is the day I learn that my seat leans back and state, “This could be a game changer for this trip,” the needle in a haystack of the impossibility of finding my noise blockers having been traded in for hopes of sleeping in the passenger seat.

“Coming soon, Jesus,” declared on painted wood planted amongst the greenery inspires a conversation about Salvation being selfish that comes from moments spent listening to Brene Brown’s chat with Father Richard Rohr. The focus here is not on finding our own way to salvation but on being there with others as we work together on making the world as it is now, a better place for everyone. This makes sense to me, having dedicated the last 5 years of my life to letting go of saving myself from the pain of loss and confusion and injustice of what was done to me and focusing my energy on being a part of the larger human liberation from the thoughts and beliefs and habits that bring universal suffering.

New growth

As we make our way from the Northern lands with the grey skies and barren trees we find the landscape changing all around us. A look at the map shows more water than land and we exclaim again and again at the latest sighting of greenery giving way to water so inviting we forget for a moment how chilly it is outside and imagine ourselves diving head first into its welcome. We stop in several small towns to purchase something warm to cover our bare arms, not having brought enough warmth with us to spend as much time outdoors as we would like, nature’s beauty so inviting. I find a puzzle of babies by Anne Geddes and Francis proudly picks up a 1000 pieces depicting Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts club band album cover featuring a plethora of historical figures that we will delight in building once arrived and settled at our destination. I find a yellow manga decaled t-shirt for Nico and a black velvet jacket, that while a bit big, offers warmth in exchange for a loonie dug out of the bottom of my mini leather backpack. Gathering these offerings as we go there is a sense that there is a force at work providing whatever it is we happen to need in each moment.

Stand still, it’s coming

A conversation with a client a while back comes back to me as I take over behind the wheel of the truck, its turtle like carapace trailing behind us. She was talking about something her partner had said that morning, “The future isn’t ahead of us. It is coming towards us. Like a wind that brushes over your face, this is what the future does. It comes towards us and as we learn to stand still in our truth everything that we desire will find its way towards us.”

I reposition my hands at 9 and 3, keeping my foot steady on the gas, take a look to my right to where my love is resting, seat leaned back all the way, thinking, “Bring it on future, I am ready.”

I am Sandra Butel and this is my beautywalk. What’s yours?

Resources for Further Study and Personal Growth

There is so much amazing wisdom out there and in this blog I mention Richard Rohr, Brené Brown, Rick Rubin and Stevie Nicks for the impact that their work has had on my latest adventures. Contact information for their valuable work is sprinkled throughout the blog.
If you want to get yourself ready for whatever the future has to bring to you I would be honoured to be with you as you take the time to discover the force of your own truth. Reach out to schedule a free beautywalk coaching session with me. I am currently taking on new clients and am open to whatever type of barter or payment works for you as part of my dedication to the advancement of the moneyless share economy and as a way to make the magic of coaching accessible to all.
My Positive Intelligence based program From Worry to Worthy offers you an opportunity to move yourself from being ruled by the thief of the past and the thief of the future to being fully grounded and guided by your wisest present moment self. Check out the full program details and book your first free session with me to get started.
If you are interested in signing up for TrustedHouseSitters you can get a 25% discount (as well as pass on 2 free months of membership to me in the process).

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